I Don’t Want To Be Mine

I will fight for you!

I will fight against the temptations and distractions of this world to be close to your side!

I will slay my flesh over and over again to quiet the selfish urge inside of me that tells me not today, maybe tomorrow. And I will do it as many times as it takes.

When I fail I will crawl my way back through my own pitfalls to be in your presence.

I will never stop fighting.

I won’t give up.

I won’t turn away and if I do I will turn right back around until I am with you forever.

I will say no even when it it feels like I’m literally dying to say yes!

I will put you first and I will put myself last!

Their ways are not my ways, no, I don’t want them to be.

I will set the world on fire, I will burn it all down with the light and love that I know is inside of me, because of you!

You! Only you! Brought me back from the gates of insanity, the darkest depths I have ever known was because I didn’t fully know you, Jesus!

Your freedom tasted so good on my lips! I will always be thirsty for the freedom that you poured down on me.

I don’t want this life if you’re not in it.

With out you, I am bitter. I am bruised. I am angry. I am broken. I am useless and burnt out.

You give my days purpose that I cannot even begin to fathom the feeling of wonder when I am close by your side.

The world looks bright with you in it!

Anywhere you are, I want to be there!

You are my hope. My dream.

My life. My hands. My feet. My will, let it be yours!

Use my life for your good, because I have no good for it!

Without your light in my heart, I can be so mean. So angry. So intent of destroying the light around me.

Without you, I am leading me! I lead myself into the darkest parts of my mind that wants to enslave me again, but you saved me. You brought me back! You stood me up and told me to stand tall! You dusted me off and I began to shine as if I were already the diamond you created! You healed me! You redeemed me! You freed me!

I want to love like you love!

I want to bleed like you bleed!

So take this bruised and battered heart! Take this prideful and angry woman that I can be and make her beautiful for your own purpose, for your own will!

I am yours, because I don’t want to be mine!

Amen!

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